28 2 / 2012
Why do I want to run at midnight?
Maybe because I’m so frustrated with myself.
I’m angry at not being able to focus, thus doing horribly in school lately. So now i’m trying to focus hard, but I can’t because I’m freaking out that I will fail. Because I probably will, because no matter how hard I study lately, I always do poorly.
I’m angry that I didn’t do this interview sooner and so I have to miss Pilates tomorrow, which I really love.
I’m angry for not making friends.
I’m angry at a certain someone because he’s wasting his potiential and is moving on to someone else and is starting to drift away and ignore me and so soon I won’t ever talk to him again and it’ll be like all my other friends. Also in this category: angry at myself for not moving on. Why is it that he gets to date? Why is it that he gets to fall out of love and not me? Why isn’t it mutual?
I’m angry at myself that I’m writing this instead of studying for Chinese.
I’m never going to see him again.
After next week—I won’t be in New England for a long time. It will be my last visit there for a few years.
Why is the only good thing in my life my nephew? I can’t even say I have my health! Maybe my physical health, but my mental health sure is shit. I feel like throwing up. Maybe I will. Maybe it’ll make me feel better. It’s funny, I could say anything here and no one would care/read it. That’s fine. The only people who have ever cared are my family, and they have to care about me.
